Recall and Forget
by scullyseviltwin
Summary: I'm alive I'm realizing what it means to be alive, my heart finally registering the thumping in my chest and the answering beat of yours.


Sensations floor me the first time I delve into your lips. You are everything other than nothing; colors on your tongue as it strokes against mine and I think for a moment that I can remember what sunlight was. I can remember what grass smelled like, how it tasted to eat a tomato. My senses flood me as you do and I think that maybe they're the same thing, you and everything I see, feel, smell, touch, taste.

What a brilliant overload to endure as it all comes rushing back to me.

I remember it all in your kiss and I can't seem to stop. I don't want to stop. You won't let me stop. That is incredibly arousing and surprising and everything I haven't felt in... ever.

You know your strength and I know your strength but you hold me with a reverence that I forgot existed in our cold, gray world. It would be quite easy for me to break the bonds you have created by encircling me with your arms, but why would I? Why would I want to?

I'm alive; I'm realizing what it means to be alive, my heart finally registering the thumping in my chest and the answering beat of yours. We're in sync and it's breath that passes between us, oxygen and carbon dioxide and something that I can't pick up on and is making me dizzy.

This, this, this is why the color red is so much better than blue. This is why I feel warmth and pain and pleasure and hunger. This moment, this life, you... are everything.

You reach for me and I turn, rolling to kiss over the cool, pale-white expanse of your neck. Apparently the color white has a taste and I can't get enough of it into my mouth, so I bite. I bite hard. And you groan and stroke my cheek, not pulling me away, letting me know it's okay. You're telling me I can take all that you have to give.

Everywhere, Neo, you are everywhere. In the air, you're in the air and in my head, my hands, my heart. Everywhere and

I want to seek you out in every possible crevice of my world you could be. A nearly insurmountable task, but one I would be willing to undertake for the sheer joy of the journey. Journey, roads less traveled and I have to make pause and wonder where that thought came from.

Tacit words float in the air between us and I can't seem to remember that we're lying in a cold steel room, on an uncomfortable cot. I can't remember anything because you're touching me, digging down deep into a soul I forgot I had.

Board games and winter; doctor's offices and agate... I remember it all, from your gaze to his scent to his touch, I remember everything I should remember when he feels me. I wish I could summon the memory of what a soundtrack is because there should be one to this moment, lots of crescendos and dips... lots of flow.

If I had a thesaurus, if it existed I would look up all the words for perfect and tell you all of them, I would tell you all of them while you touch me between my legs, telling me how much you need me. And you do, I can see it in your eyes and feel it in your kiss. I can feel it in the trembling fingers you pass over my all-too-hot flesh.

Coffee and cigarettes, I can remember those too. I can feel them rushing through my veins much like he is, waking me up. And maybe I am; no, no maybe, I am waking up, finally testing out the terrain of glorious reality. His whispers in my ear to slow down, slow down, we have forever. I want forever, can I have forever?

But what is that? Is forever real, is it a figment, is this a figment? It can't possibly be, not with the way you're telling me things, not with the way you're slowly reassuring me that this is everything that is right and pure and good, good, good in the world.

I have to pause a moment to catalogue the way his voice lulls and lifts and the way his speech tickles over the hairs on my neck. It's all too real; a wave washes over me and I press down into him, wanting to feel his skin, really feel it. I never want to feel anything again, nothing but my body draped over his and his lips on my skin.

The scent of us together is something textured and heady and it makes me reel with the density of it. It invades me like he does and the two of us are swimming away in my head, paddling on an endless, fabulously icy sea that never, ever ends. It's a distinct possibility that this could continue on forever and I'd never tire of it; I know we won't get the chance to test that theory, but it's nice to think.

Love, such a strange sensation. Goosebumps and butterflies and true longing invade every part of me; they awaken with the press of his lips against mine, arms finally realizing what it's like to truly be animate, wrapping around your shoulders. Legs wanting to part and clench and hold, damnit, hold on for as long as humanly possible.

Human, that's what we are, coming alive in each other's arms, spurring each other on. We've been in here for hours I should be tired... you should be tired...

But nothing stops the kisses from coming, and nothing stops the breath or the thrumming of blood through our veins.

You're fantastic, I'm fantastic, everything is just... amazing. I can't stop using those words, those words in my head.

Maybe I don't need a thesaurus after all but... no, no more maybes just now. Just here. Just, just, yes, just breathing.

I remember the rain and the sound of a washing machine and the scent of a new book as you press me back down into oblivion and then I remember nothing.


End file.
